It’s been three long years and you are yet to come home from overseas.
The distance doesn’t count anymore but the emotional separation.
We drifted apart over the years and in those years, we lost all our plans and carelessly (mis)placed all the promises we made to each other rendering them empty words.
Now we are total strangers except for the occasional “I still care about you” which used to be “I love you very much”.
How I long for those days (;)
Those days when we didn’t seem to care about anything, not the distance nor our inability to physically express ourselves.
Those days when all we cared about was our love.
Our love blossomed like the rose in the sun notwithstanding the thorn by its side.
Our love stood strong through thick and thin, through the days of waiting and longing to see each other.
Oh so many plans!
So many dreams swept beneath the carpet. Imagination of you permeated my thoughts; Thoughts of you filled my days.
Dreams of us lying next to each other, skin to skin, lips to lips, body to body, looking into each other’s faces while you put me to sleep invaded my nights.
All it took to brighten my day was a look at one of your pictures proudly displayed on the wallpaper of my phone or the screen saver of my computer or the very bold picture of your face smiling at me from the large paper hanging on the wall of my room just like the one of me hanging on your wall too.
Or the little printed one sitting at a corner inside my wallet.
Our conversation lasted through the night into the wee hours of the morning.
You were my love, my confidant, my friend, my brother, my heartbeat and above all, my future.
I grinned from cheek to cheek when someone mentioned your name.
At the mention of your name, the heat rose from my toes and sensually curled up my spine till it encompassed my whole being and radiated through and through.
We argued to agree, you handled my tantrums and silliness perfectly.
How happy I was!
How happy we were.
You know that saying about how “it was over for you when that one person that had your mumu button locates you,” well the person that had mine had sure found me.
It was either You or You.
I was dancing in the sun and walking all over the moon from the magic of our love.
Every morning I say a little prayer of appreciation to the One who freely gave us the gift of LOVE.
I could feel my pulse do some acrobatics at the sound of your voice.
Ours was pure unadulterated love.
We were the definition of two imperfect souls, separated by distance but bound through love to become one perfect soul.
They said we would get tired,
They said it wouldn’t last,
They said distance will eventually creep in and pull us apart while others longed for what we had.
Months after months, I anticipated and eagerly awaited your home coming and three years after, I’m still waiting, but not so eagerly.
Sometime during our journey, we let our emotion run wild.
We let distance trick us and lead our hearts far away from each other.
We let time control and redirect our passion.
We abandoned our love for so long and let spiders spin webs on it – web of doubt, web of betrayal, web of lies, and web of distrust.
Slowly it started out as a busy schedule with us making out time to catch up on moments missed but eventually, we became too busy to make-up for the moments we lost.
Gradually, distance broke through our well-guarded emotion, breaking through our defense until we became almost strangers.
We let others in: male, female, we let them encroach on and poach on our love for each other.
We don’t even talk anymore.
Our eagerness and anticipation slipped through and the air sucked it up.
Now we walk on eggs while we talk.
You hide things from me and I in turn keep things from you until it became our new trend.
Slowly again, we have picked up our shattered pieces, tried to patch it up here and there and try to rediscover ourselves.
I’m willing to try again as I’m sure you are willing to. To start over again, to go back to that spot where we found love and where we lost it and perhaps take a different route this time.
But we hold back…
We let our fears and insecurity guide us rather than our emotion.
As much as we want to fight for “us” to blossom again, we have our fears.
But then I beg of you to let go of your fears and I, of mine too.
Let’s share our fears as we’ve always done.
Let’s build a new “US” based on true love, trust, believe, commitment, faith and hope as our new foundation.
Let’s give a new meaning to this shaky “us”.
Let’s redesign this love and fashion out a new future.
Let’s take it a step after a step.
Please say you are willing to try.
Give me all of you as I’ll give you all of me.
Let’s dream again, together.
Say you are willing to walk with me.
Please hold my hand and let’s rewrite this story of “us” but this time with a “happily ever after” end.
#Expression by Adedoyinsola (Pest)